I was a Pitman's trainee,
lovingly fingering each key
sellotaped paper draped over
as a cloak to my wandering eyes.
In a room full of clackety-clack,
I discovered the alphabet was not A to Zee,
but something called Qwerty.
I should have known then what was to come,
the hideous humor of finger to thumb.
When typewriters were all but defunct,
cast out with a final clackety-clunk,
I turned to the computer keyboard,
spying my old faithful friend
alphas Q though to M.
I can do this...
Yeah, easy as abc....
But what is the point of a capital lock
wedged so close to the A??
wHEN ALL IT DOES
IS CATCH ME UNAWARE
AND THAT DRATTED GREEN LIGHT
GIVES A MALEVOLENT glare!!
Ahhh....
That's better....
who invented the shift key
9that won't shift0
causing my equilibrium to drift?
the most important letter
in the whole alphabet
is diminished to a humble i.
I....
Phew....
So what's this spell check thingy?
Never had that on my typewriter's key.
A great gimmick yes,
but you'd never guess,
when offering it "to, two and too".
In my humble opinion, this lingo of English
overdoes things a bit,
with its silent letters piping up,
and two where one would do.
So, to make things easy, I decree;
From henceforth on...
each leter should only have one t.
© Berenice Dunford
May 2005
